I was chatting with a couple recently about their wedding ceremony, they had recently lost a brother, sister and mum and were looking for ideas on how to honour them and the role they had played in their lives. When you book an independent wedding Celebrant there are no hard and fast rules how and where you honour your deceased loved one. This is YOUR day and it’s necessary that you do what you feel is right for you.
You can could focus part of the ceremony or reception around your loved ones, maybe in the week leading up to your wedding have a moment of reflection with a few family members and close friends. My couple made me realise that there are many ways in which a tribute can be included and most importantly, you need time to choose the tribute which gives you the most comfort.
I have a few ideas for you below, if you have any of your own that you would like to share then get in touch at https://denise-whelan-celebrant.com/contact-us.
1. Include them in your Order of Service
You can acknowledge your loved one in a citation at the end of your order of service or may include a dedication to them in the wedding order of service. This is a lovely, personal and meaningful way to tell your family and friends that your loved one’s spirit is very much part of your special day.
2. Sew a Memory into your dress or suit
It can be a simple monogram, a piece of fabric from an item of clothing that they once wore or maybe a note that they wrote to you. Carrying a loved one with you on your special day is a beautiful and simple way of involving them from the start of the day to when finish. You could hide it away so that on you and your partner are aware that it’s there or wear it on the outside of your attire for all of your wedding party to see how you wish to honour your deceased loved one on your wedding day.
3. Wear a piece of Jewellery
A parent’s wedding ring can become a necklace, place it on chain and wear it alongside your own. Lockets are great for pictures and if you have a family heirloom maybe wear that in their memory. Perhaps consider including it with your own wedding rings, there are many artisan jewellers who specialise in making bespoke pieces using items of jewellery which have been passed down. I think it’s such a beautiful way to remember them and you will always have them with you from your engagement or wedding day onwards.
4. Include a Photograph or Item of Jewellery in Your Bouquet
I have a handfasting ceremony soon and bride and groom have attached mementos to the ribbons of the loved ones unable to attend the ceremony or ask your florist to attach a small framed photo or ring belonging to your loved one in your bouquet so you can carry them with you in a personal yet subtle way.
5. Arrange a seat for them at your ceremony
Setting aside a seat in pride of place in front of where your vows will be made is a symbolic way to show your love for a relative who cannot be with you. Place a flower, photo or article that makes you think of them – a scarf, a hat, gloves, shoes – something that they used to wear all the time or an ornament they treasure.
6. Dedicate a reading to them
It can be a religious reading, a poem, song lyrics or simple a passage or excerpt from a favourite book or author of theirs. Maybe ask a relative or friend of theirs too to read it during the ceremony, it just adds to the personalisation of the dedication.
7. Play their tune!
Think about playing their favourite tune as you make your wedding entrance or sign your wedding certificate. Kick off your wedding party or your first day with it – literally, anything goes!
8. Light a Candle
A reflective and spiritual way of remembering a deceased member of the family or a friend is to light a candle, this can involve both you and your partner, close family, start or close the ceremony when all your guests are watching. Or if you would prefer it to be a private dedication may be consider lighting a candle as you are getting ready for your wedding day.
9. Create a memory table
A popular dedication is to decorate a table with photographs, flowers and keepsakes. This way everyone gets to appreciate a loved family member or friend who is no longer with you. By having a special place reserved specifically for them means that you can demonstrate just how special they are and were to you without having to say anything. Plus, you can pay your respects with a glass of champagne throughout the day and remember the happy times.
10. Raise a toast
Where you decide to raise a toast with champagne or loved one’s favourite tipple this allows everyone to pay their respects. You an include them in your wedding speech with anecdotes or share with everyone what made them import to you and what you feel they would enjoy about your special day. If you find it difficult to put into word yourself, maybe ask your wedding celebrant to write it for you. They are used to putting across other people’s feelings and honouring them for you.
So that you do not get choked up, keep your tributes to the end and if you start feel overwhelmed by your emotions, look upwards – apparently, it is impossible to cry if you are looking upwards. And do not worry if you do cry, everyone will understand.
11. Devote your wedding favours to them
A lovely way of encouraging your guests to discuss your missing loved one is by placing wedding favour in their memory at every place setting. Charity wedding favours help to raise awareness of a charity close to their heart and they range from the simple, such as badges to the highly decorative, or make a batch of their favourite jam or marmalade, sloe gin or cupcake for your guests to take away and explain the meaning of the favour in your toast or speech. Alternatively, let the dedication do the talking.
12. Meet them at the bar
Arrange to meet your partner, friends or family at the bar during the reception and have a private moment to toast your deceased loved one. The barman can prepare their favourite tipple beforehand and if they loved nothing more than a cup of tea or coffee then so what, it was their favourite.
If you do decide to make a speech, or wish to say a few words but are unsure how to start writing it, remember, a Celebrant also writes funeral services and is skilled in writing dedications. If you do need help, get in touch at https://denise-whelan-celebrant.com/contact-us to arrange a quick chat on how I can help you.
